One year from my last surgery

I still have pain with ovulation that keeps me down and out for a few days. I still have back pain that I think might be fibro but I'm not sure. I still have some pain that radiates down my legs but in a new spot. I wish that I had some hormonal support some days with some progesterone cream. I wish that I wasn't so emotional about things.

I still mourn my losses. I didn't want to lose what I had lost. I had resigned myself before my surgery with Dr. Albee that I would lose my left ovary. I went into that surgery having my period and came out without my uterus, cervix and part of my vagina to give me pain relief. While yes I do have pain relief from it, my fibro pain has increased due to my lack of quality sleep.

I'm having trouble with digesting milk products but not all of the time. My insomnia is worse now than 6 months ago...I'm up until 2 am most nights and I wasn't up this late on a regular basis even in college!!

I feel different about things. Something which I have difficulty explaining to even myself. I still feel like an "it" and not a woman. I don't feel sexy and have no drive. Sex still causes pain but not during. And I bloat up afterwards for a few days.

I don't feel "whole". Funny how having some organs make you feel like a woman. And unlike some others who have had hysts, I miss my periods. But like the other woman, I don't miss the pain that they caused.