One day...

I keep hoping that one day I will be without pain. Without the need for Advil, without the frustrations with the medical community and from my pain, and without the tears. Yesterday I had a pretty decent day...without any tears, with very little pain, and was able to do stuff like laundry, washing dishes, sweeping the floors, on top of schooling and making French Onion Soup for dinner. Today is another story...

Today I'm dealing with the same back pain and tailbone pain since my surgery. I made Celery Seed Bread in prep for dinner tonight, did 2 loads of laundry (one still needs to be folded up yet), washed dishes in the sink, and educated the children on math, history, and reading so far today. I keep hoping that one day doing something as simple as what I have done so far today doesn't cause me the amount of pain that I am in. Today isn't one of those days however...today I am dealing with the pain praying that one day I won't have it anymore. Until then, I'm educating myself on pelvic floor spasm and pelvic floor dysfunction

Tailbone pain

Okay I know that there is a medical term for it but I have been having tailbone pain that is unrelenting. I do my PT exercises and it doesn't help. I rest it and that doesn't help. I do yoga and that helps a small percentage of the time. It's worse as the day progresses. I'm fighting with everything that I can but the fight has been going on so long and it's tiring at times.

I'm waiting for 2 doctors to send me their notes from our visits and then I need to write up a narrative and send everything I have off to Dr. Albee. I'm scared to have another surgery but I know that it's needed. I really dislike the preps for it and how they make me feel so weak and with a headache.

~Jen

Ultrasound Today

I just got back from my ultrasound. The u/s tech had trouble finding my remaining ovary. When she did find it, she mentioned that there was a small cyst there. I should hear about the results in a few days from my doctor. I was hurting so much from the ultrasound that I was crying in Jeff's car in the parking lot. I'm resting tonight...I need to.

Migraines part 2

I have had an on and off migraine since Wednesday. Yesterday was the worse so far. I had to ask my dad to drive us to the doctor's for my littlest one who needed to be seen with an emergency. She goes back on the 10th for a recheck.

My dad stayed from that appointment until Jeff got home from work since I had a migraine and with my migraine medicine was sleeping it off (or at least trying to).

I've got a bit of a headache today but hopefully it won't be affected too much by the trick-or-treaters that we expect to get later on this afternoon and evening.

Right now Jeff and I are thinking that these migraines are hormonal in nature and I just came off the progesterone only pill and where I would have been in my cycle would lend itself to a hormonal migraine.

Back to nursing my headache...

Migraines

I know that I was taught not to hate but I'm sorry to say that I hate migraines. I had one last night. I tried sleeping it off with a nap which didn't work. I tried my more natural things of taking Butterber which didn't work. I tried aromatherapy which didn't work. I finally gave up at 10:30 and took my migraine med. An hour later I was sound asleep. Best night sleep that I have gotten in a long time...too bad it took a migraine for that to happen.

I'm off my progesterone only pill and wondering if I had a hormonal migraine last night with my one remaining ovary.

Lordy only knows with me...it could be anything!! I'm just praying for no migraines today.

Still Sore...Advil not Working

I was beyond miserable last night with pain. My pain med really didn't kick in after 2 hours even with 4 advil on top of it. I ended up falling asleep due to sheer exhaustion around 2 am. I woke up in the fetal position this morning before 7:30 when Jeff left for work.

My abdomen is quite sore. It's more of a throbbing ache that just won't quit. I want to cry but if I do, the act of crying will make my abdomen feel worse so I'm blogging.

I had hoped that things would be much different by now...that I was able to drive, that I wouldn't be in pain, that I wouldn't see my obgyn 3 times so far post op and twice before surgery. I do feel better overall. The pain that I had into my tailbone is mostly gone. The pain that I had daily from lower back pain is gone. The pain that I had in my thighs is gone. Most days my abdominal pain that I had daily is gone. So there is major improvements but it's been slow going as far as healing goes.

I'm taking each day at a time and right now it's more like each hour but hopefully one day you'll hear that I'm doing much better.

Wishing those of you who suffer from endo pain free days!

Wishing those of you who know of somebody who suffers from endo to educate yourself about the disease and be understanding of them.

Pain and Tears

I've got belly button pain still. There is a lump under the skin that is a tiny bit tender to the touch but due to the amount of work that Dr. Albee did, I'm not surprised at all. I did have alot of work done on July 21st.

God, has it only been that long???? It seems like an eternity ago right now...an eternity. Did I really have a 7 hour surgery??? Wow!!!!! Ask me on the days (or moments) when I'm feeling blue and I'll tell you that it was just yesterday that I had my uterus taken out of my body.

I still haven't read the operative report yet...that will take some time. I still cry over the loss of my organs. I mourn the loss of the children I couldn't conceive and carry within my own womb.

My current children are not and should not be used fill the void that I experienced by infertility because of having endo and adeno. I don't cry in front of them regarding the loss of my organs or anything else for that matter. It's an adult problem and an adult is handling it. I would never place my adult problems on my children and expect them to fill the role of the adult.

I know that the pain (both physical and emotional) will hopefully subside in time. All I need from you, my readers, right now is the understanding, the friendship, and support as I go through this.

Can I scream yet????

I'm in alot of pain at the moment. Jeff, who should be in bed due to an early haircut appointment, is up with me watching one of the Mr. Bean movies. The pain med isn't taking the edge off of the pain. I just want to cry but it'll hurt even more. I also want to scream but that will hurt too. I'm wondering if it will always be like this...please pray that it won't.

We are supposed to go to the park tomorrow since I arranged for the the kids to have a playdate through the local SAHMs group. I was planning to just sit in a chair and talk to the moms while Jeff played with the kids. We were planning on doing a picnic lunch as well there. If I can't make it, I'm going to feel like I've let everyone down again.

I'm just hoping that I can sleep and stay asleep throughout the night tonight. Right now I need to get the pain under control for that to even happen.