Break Down # 1

Earlier this evening I broke down and cried. It may seem silly to those of you without endometriosis...after all it's just organs. But for those of us with endo who have fought battles to keep our organs, the removal of them just hurts.

I have been thinking that if I had just done this or had just done that maybe I could have kept them. But maybe I would have just lost them sooner.

I know that I can rely on my family and friends to get me through. Please be patient with me if you haven't heard from me in awhile, if I need to cut phone calls to you short, or if I call you up just to cry over my losses.

I don't even want to hope yet that I won't have any more pain. I'm afraid to even hope.

I don't want to hear that it is for the best.

I don't want to hear that I will be better off without them.

I don't want to hear that endometriosis doesn't cause heartache.

I don't want to hear that since I've had my uterus and ovary removed that there is no way I could experience endo pain down the road.

I don't want to hear "Happy Hysterversary" coming from anyone's lips.

All I want is for you to be there when I need you to be, to be supportive of me and my decisions, and to understand that I may need time to myself to grieve my losses, lick my wounds, and gain my stamina to stand upright on my own two feet again.

I hope that you all will understand.