Emotional Wall Coming Down

I brokedown earlier on the phone with a friend of mine and cried a bit to her. She doesn’t have endo but suffered from premature ovarian failure while she was trying to conceive. She understood the hurt that I’m experiencing to an extent.

I told her that I haven't read my operative report yet. It's 9 pages long. It isn't the length of it that is overwhelming to me. It's the content of it...this is what was done to ME.

At times I have felt that I needed to remain strong...that I can not break down. Most of this comes from the fact that I was just out of surgery with post surgical pains. Some of it stems from the almost denial that I'm having...that I really didn't have a hyst.

Now I'm starting to feel the raw emotions that I kept bottled up for so long. It's starting out like a slow leaky faucet that needs to be fixed. I'm not sure when the crying will stop or if it will stop right now.

The term for what I had done I had to look up today. I had a LAVH-LSO with partial vaginectomy with right ovarian cystectomy. I lost 50% of my right ovary because of the cyst that I had. LAVH is Laparoscopically Assisted Vaginal Hysterectomy with Left Salpingo Oopherectomy (left ovary and left fallopian tube removed).

I don't know when I'm posting next right now. For my family and friends, I'm sorry if I'm crying to you over the phone. I just hope that you understand what I'm going through and can be patient with me.